American Christmas: It's backpacking, Jim - but not as we know it...

Back in business after a few weeks holiday! A fantastic festive fortnight filled with delicious hearty meals, talk of a wintery homeland and long-forgotten pleasures like hot showers, cable TV and of course Irn Bru - crack in a can...

Obviously this wouldn't be complete without a dollop of drama, which took the form of a cancelled flight for our compatriots in London, and delayed the family reunion 24 hours - really only making it sweeter in the end. Something has to be said about the car we hired upon arrival - a flame red Dodge Charger; a brute, a beast, a hulk - an Incredible Hulk - the perfect American muscle car for stomping around Florida in! In fact it was such an animal that Peter - the Sheriff himself - could not put a leash on it and within an hour we were pulled over for galloping down the highway with too much gusto (if there even is such a thing). I think the reason we were let off lightly is because the cop was driving the exact same car. Only a fellow Charger driver can understand the untameable heart that pulses underneath the bonnet of the beast...

For the fortnight two of Dorothy and Peter's friends gave us use of their house in Naples, Florida, and it was a lap of luxury. The house was beautiful, overlooking a huge lake with a fountain and palm trees with Christmas lights. We even had our own Christmas palm tree in the living room where we placed our budget presents next to those that people from home had generously sent over. The house also smelt amazing - a clean and delicious smell that has been absent for most of the last three months...

And so began two weeks of jinglin' good Christmas cheer. Dot and Peter had obviously done their homework - every day we were treated to a new fun experience in one way or another. We had Christmas dinner and bucks fizz on the beach while dolphins swam in the background and we played charades. We walked through a swamp nature reserve; woodpeckers, lizards, spiders, snakes and an alligator all to be observed there. We saw in Scottish New Year with champagne and Irn Bru at 7pm before watching fireworks on the beach and seeing in the U.S New Year with more champagne (no Irn Bru). We whizzed over the everglades in an airboat, feeding marshmallows to alligators and even holding a baby one. Good times...

Feeding us up like champions, Dot and Peter were more than generous in taking us out for meals - Woody got her fix of mojitos and fresh fish, while I generally stuffed my dirty little face - with some Southern fried 'gator tail thrown in for good measure somewhere along the way. Every meal brought with it a brand new American as apple pie waiter, ripe for the imitation. My favourite was David, a smiley, robotic giant who began each question with "Hey folks! I wanted to ask you..." Cheap laughs, but who cares when you're stuffing your dirty little face.

While we were in Orlando we were lucky enough to theme park it up to the max. The adrenaline of the rollercoasters in Islands of Adventure, the amazing film sets at Universal Studios, and snorkelling in wetsuits in Discovery Cove were so much fun, but the outstanding highlight was swimming with dolphins. A lot of people say that it's a really spiritual experience, but I think it's prob'ly about as much fun as a person can have in a wetsuit. There's not much more to it than they're really smart, relaxed animals around people - which makes them easy company I suppose. Wetsuited up like a couple of Stretch Armstrongs me and Woody took to the water, petting our dolphin Tyler and hugging and kissing him (like, in a totally non-gay way) before grabbing his fin and jetting off through the water. Powerful animals they are; they can shift your bones through the waves without even batting an eye. Almost as powerful, in fact, as the Dodge Charger...

Despite the fact that Woody and me lived in complete comfort for two weeks, free from the perils of bag lifting, accommodation hunting and rice'n'beans eating we still couldn't shake off some gypsy habits formed in the three months beforehand. These habits usually manifested themselves in the taking of copious amounts of free stuff wherever we could find it. So much so that it verges upon an abuse of the word 'free'. For example any 'free' tasters would be taken advantage of completely, turning into free lunchtime. A breakfast buffet turns into a 'fill your rucksack up for later on' buffet. Any spare pens lying sround would instantly become 'free pens'. And so on... These habits are fairly standard backpacking stuff, but in Naples it must have looked a but weird when we had just had a huge meal (fit to burst) and we're standing at the door shoving handfuls of chocolate mints into our cheeky little pockets. When Dot and Peter were delayed in London we checked into a hotel to stay the night and meet them the next morning. It was a pretty nice hotel. Tell you, we went through that hotel room like a swarm of locusts - "What can we take away with us? OK, got shampoo, conditioner, moisturiser, soap, sugar, coffee, pens, mouthwash, mugs, shower curtain.....TV remote!" It's a nice kind of stealing though. Feels more like an Oliver Twist kind of stealing than a 'fund my crack habit' kind of stealing. Yeah, much better. Maybe hide the silverware for the first few weeks 'pon our return...

Mild crookery aside it was a brilliant twelve days of Christmas, and thanks must go to Ros and Ian for letting us use the house. Legends the both of them. To everyone who generously sent over gifts or cards or generally sent some love our way - right back at you. Of course Dot and Peter, hope you enjoyed us stuffing our dirty little faces as much as we did! Thankyou so much for everything, you really made a brilliant Christmas. Much love...